I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
