New invention idea: vibrating tampons
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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