she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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