Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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