i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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