umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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