If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
