You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would fuck him just for his dog
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