Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
