Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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