recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
