Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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