i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
