Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
