I cockslap morals
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
