if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
