Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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