The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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