I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
