if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
