She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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