she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
