and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He has the fingertips of a God
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