Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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