Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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