you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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