I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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