Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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