i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
