He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
