friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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