How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
