Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
