So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize