She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
