U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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