never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
