what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
