I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
