All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize