I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
