After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
