Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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