I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
