You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
