so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I cockslap morals
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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