I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
