Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
