did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
