I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
