So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
