I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
