I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
