Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
