Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
