you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
