Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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