she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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