Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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