I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
