I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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