There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
